Overheard as I began my evening run: “Bridal shops have various sizes of pillows to approximate the size your fetus (will be on your wedding day).” Certainly this is the seventh and final sign of the coming apocalypse. In fact, I was surprised that all those around me weren’t immediately raptured up to heaven, leaving me alone to enjoy a nice peaceful jog. But then I remembered that I live in San Francisco. So, the rapture could have happened last May and I would never notice.
Now, I don’t have any problem with pregnant brides, but that’s why god invented eloping. Shoot Las Vegas is a short 6 hour drive away (8 if insist on stopping to piss). Why the hell do we need simulated fetuses for dress fittings? Just when I thought I’d never understand women, I do.
I just hope that on her special day, the bride ends up having twins so her dress splits as she walks down the aisle. And of course the dress will be white.